to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
