i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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