I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
