Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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