Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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