I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
