What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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