Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
