Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
