3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
