another moral hangover. fuck.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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