he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
