I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
