dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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