We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
