that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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