3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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