My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize