I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
