I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
