in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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