She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
