I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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