how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
