Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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