I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
