what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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