My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
