I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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