you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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