FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
