I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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