How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There r osticjed everywhere
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
