I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my being single is dangerous.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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