Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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