boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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