Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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