Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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