get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Randomize
