They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
