I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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