Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
