i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
organizing the empties. That sober.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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