Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
