the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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