dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
