I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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