Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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