youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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