hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
