New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize