My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
