Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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