At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
