she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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