I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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