Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
