I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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