She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
