This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
