Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
