my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
