I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
