When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
