Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
