did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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