Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
