Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
