I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize