just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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